When I reflect on who I have become due to what I have been through, there is this slowing down needed. I realize that I have lived a fast life based upon sacrifices, barriers, and hurt. Have you ever felt like you have made choices only because the pain spoke louder than your heart? I sit here in almost my prime, having options available because of the pain I have been through. I want to be very open about myself:
I had been running from the pain since my father died.
I was 16 years old and did not understand what the dismantling of a family felt like. I ran from my youth, indulged passions, and never slowed down my development. I became the continuation of what my father left off. What that looked like was being hard-headed, overly devoted to people who never had my best interest at heart, making fast decisions, overly pleasing, highly achieving, and unable to process accountability. In the spirit of this running, I made choices that caused harm to others, and allowed others to use me out of the fear of not being enough. My development as a man became only valuable by my output, not input. So I ended up being used often for the convenience I offered, rather than the quality I possessed. Have you sat down to really think about why people exist with you?
I sit here at the new age of 34 biologically, mentally in my late 40’s, and emotionally 16 healing from my teenage years. The things I find passion and development in are now a validation of my healing rather than a statement of proof that I exist. Can you identify the different ages you hold? Who are you trying to save yourself? I can fully sit in my peace, know who I surround myself with, and I see how others are working so hard to find something that’s already in themselves. I also noticed that others want parts of me now that I have an abundant resource of Self-energy.
I wanted this letter to be a letter for myself since it is my birthday, but a moment of transparency for those that may be fighting themselves or unsure to make the next step into their liberation. I can sit in peace and be still while others live in distraction. You must know at some point, your peace is a product of the work you’ve done on yourself, and you have pride in the space you cultivated. Give yourself a rebirth, it can start today. Who are you willing to save today?
Heal All Ways,
– Dr. Will
